First, let me start by saying that I really wanted to like this movie, I honestly did. I went in with an open mind. However, after my initial viewing I must say that I was very unimpressed. To be honest, it sucked. It’s as if 20 years later, people NOT named Spielberg and Lucas decided to make an Indiana Jones film using a formula that they did not fully understand.

*** Warning – spoilers ahead ***

Overly long with a plot thinner than Hillary’s chances, there’s more heart shown by Michael Scott in a typical 5 minute snippet of The Office than in all 2 hours of this film. But most of all, it’s just plain bizarre. I mean, seriously, aliens??? Watching Indy 4 is like staring at a painting you hate for 2+ hours.

Where do I start? First, the cinematography is awful, easily the worst of the 4 films. The movie looked like it was filmed on sets and green screens. Fine for films set in space. Bad for movies that have a root in the real world. Everything looked fake. I don’t remember the earlier movies doing that much with special effects, which made the action sequences in those films that much more interesting.

The plot is a mess. There is a TON of filler, and most of it lay in the early stages. The opening chase is virtually worthless, and only serves to introduce the stage of immediate subsequent action. Were they trying to convey not only an Indiana Jones who completely lost his mojo, but who was willing to help the Soviets just to stay alive? He seemed to have no problem helping the bad guys, since his plan in the end seemed to be “escape by punching someone in the face.”

Also, that crate at the beginning was selectively magnetic (as was the skull later in the film). The dudes carrying it had no issues with it pulling their guns from their backs, but they walked by other dudes with weapons, and they were all pulled toward the crate? A detail Lucas and Spielberg used to think of in their sleep.

The two subsequent chases, climaxing with the romp through New Haven, are largely rote exercises. Some very clumsy cuts camoflaguing liberal use of Ford’s double don’t help the cause. The good, old feel simply isn’t there, neither in action nor dialogue.

Later in the movie, Indy again shows just how happy he is to help the bad guys, and instead of the scene paying off with him mistranslating John Hurt’s drawings to put the Soviets on the wrong path, it turns into an escape. WHICH INDY THEN SPENDS THE WHOLE TIME BITCHING ABOUT. So what was the plan, Indy? Help the Soviets find this temple, then hope they don’t shoot you?

The son was the easy cliche. Superman showed the folly of it two years ago, and Spielberg and Lucas went to it anyway. Though the “he’s your son!” reveal was handled in a nice, entertaining way, that scene looked like it was filmed on one of the sets left over from Land of the Lost.

The swordfight on the back of the cars was a great idea on paper, but it’s execution was awful (again thanks to the overuse of CGI). Did you ever see the swords actually hit each other? I started to get nervous when they actually showed him between cars and a plant almost hit him. But he dodged that bullet, then he got hit. In the nuts. By a CGI plant. Heehee, how funny. And when Shia LeBouf (who actually did a nice job with the material he had) started doing the Tarzan thing with the legion of CGI monkeys, I almost walked out.

Then there is the ending. I was laughing my ass of by the end because it was so bad. I mean, aliens? A spaceship? Seriously? It just felt like Lucas/Spielberg had no idea how to end this one and said “Have the aliens fly away, people will still pay to see it.”

Overall, I did like Cate Blanchett’s bad guy. Would have liked to see more character than just a hinting at psychic powers, which we of course never really heard about again. Kind of like Indy’s trouble with the government. he goes from being on the watch list to being named associate dean, while the dean also got his job back! Yipee!!!!!! And the wedding ties it all up with a nice little bow!!!!! I did like the last shot. I started to groan as Shia picked up the hat. And in a better movie, would have cheered when Indy grabbed it from him. Instead, it was just a sigh of relief.

I know, I know. “It’s only a movie!!!!” Yup. And yet people still bitch about Phantom Menace, don’t they? This film was as bad as people said the Star Wars prequels were. That all said, I’ll see it again (on video), just to see if my initial reactions were correct. Serious Jones fans should not be discouraged from attending but should be prepared for a major letdown. There were parts that were fun and entertaining, but the storyline was so ridiculous you’ll be laughing at the end. I’ll give it two stars, mostly for some of the special effects and nostalgia for the characters. Hopefully they can do better in the next film, tentatively called “Indiana Jones and the Prune Juice of Tut”.